You all, (or y’all) what can I say? I have been blogging for, well, I guess about 4 years now, off and on. I often talk about my family, life in general, some of my frustrations learning to knit, etc….I have neglected to talk about my belief in God and how my Christian belief has began to transform my life. That has to change. I became a Christian in College. I met my husband through church, we raised our children in church. We have always believed in Jesus and His walk on this earth as the Son of God. We have tried to follow his teachings, though never perfectly. Starting about 1995, or a little before that, some tragic events occurred in my life, over the span of about 10 years. I don’t necessarily believe that they were wrought of God. I think bad things happen and can happen to anyone. They are a trial, though, by fire, if you will. I honestly felt that my life had been burned down to a knub and that it would be necessary to rebuild it. I believe Jesus called it pruning. I don’t want to argue the cause of all this too much. Let’s just say, these things happened. They happened and transformed me from a person full of hope and general good will to others into a person full of anger and bitterness. I found myself in a vicious cycle of self sabotage and I couldn’t get myself out of it. I had become so reckless and vicious (at times) that I did not care who I hurt or how I looked to anyone. I kept to myself and trusted no one. Not God, not my husband, not my Brother and Sisters in Christ. No one. I knew God was there, but didn’t want to go there, maybe because I didn’t want to face and fix my problems. I sought to cover them up with food, television, knitting, sometimes alchohol and prescription drugs. I have learned. You can’t cover up your pain. It doesn’t work. God is the only one who can take your pain and cast as far away as the east is from the west. Now that I know that, I am recovering myself. That is to say, when I look in the mirror, I recognize myself. I don’t see someone I don’t know staring back at me. At one point in this ongoing journey. I did not recognize the person I saw in the mirror. I had transformed from Mike Yagoobian (from Meet The Robinson’s) to the Boler Hat Guy. Think I am exagerating a wee bit? You’ll see.
I want to write about these struggles here, mostly because they are true. Hopefully, what I have to say, might be helpful to someone else. I hope so.